Jessica's Miscellaneous Thoughts

2006-11-01T17:34:00.000-07:00

So I know I haven't posted in forever.... and really now the only reason why I'm posting is to tell you all the good news!! I am engaged!!!! I know, 2 years ago I thought pigs would fly before I got engaged, but it's happened.

It actually was a really romantic proposal. I had no idea that it would happen that day. I went over to Ryan's after working a full day in the office, expecting a feast of hamburger helper and the enjoyment of watching 24. When I got there, I saw I was greatly mistaken. There were flowers all over the place (of course- a ton of gerbers), candles, pictures of us together, a picture of a fire on the T.V, and some of our songs playing in the background. Then I sat down to a meal of an amazing salad (with mandarin oranges and carmelized nuts), bacon wrapped scallops, stuffed chicken breasts, herb and garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus, and of course, Safeway Cake. Ryan came out with the cake, which said I love you on it, and then the proposal was done, and I said yes!!

It was absolutely perfect... I love the ring... I loved the proposal....I love Ryan!!!

Then on Saturday, his dad phoned (where ryan's family was on vacation), and told us to pack our bags- we were going to Disneyland. So we went to Disneyland for a day (till Monday morning)....Needless to say I had lots of fun, and have had the most crazy week of my life.

I'll try to blog more, and fill bloggers in with more details of the life of Jessica.

2006-09-25T11:38:00.000-06:00

So I haven't posted in like forever...sorry folks....things just got busy with school and all of that stuff. I am gratefully beginning to feel a little caught up on all the homework... (I'm finished the first string of assignments, and have like a full 2 weeks before my next major paper. This last month of school has been good. I have unfortunately battled a bout with the stomach flu (last weekend) and am currently in the process of battling a cold.

I actually have a different job than I had on my last entry. As Danae skillfully puts it "I had second thoughts about second cup." I actually got a job at Evangel, working with the children there for 20 hours a week. It's actually been really fun. It's a totally different feel of ministry than what I'm used to and I know that God will stretch me immensely doing it. I work with the kids on Sunday mornings, and doing a drop-in night on Wednesdays. On Sunday, I had to develop a character that would teach the kids the names of the books of the Bible (now I'm kind of known as a crazy cat lady). It went well, but was something that I don't think the kids were used to, so I felt like a fool, trying to get the kids to shout out the names of the Pentateuch.

So if you all will pray for me and the ministry I'm doing at Evangel that would be excellent.

2006-08-30T11:10:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't blogged in so long...I've had a busy couple of weeks. Last week, I went off to Kelowna to visit the Lewis', with Linds. Though it felt like Edmonton weather practically all of the week, we had a great time, picking ground berries, finding the world's largest peaches from the world's sketchiest peach grower, and of course...swimming in the lake, the home of the ogo pogo. Linds and I had a great time, (and both of us still managed to receive sun burns despite the fact most of the week was under 25 degrees, though I got crispy, Linds got pink.)

And now, back at home, the business of it all still has managed to stay strong despite the fact it's my last week of freedom. I went to Evangel for my first Sunday, saw Mars on Sunday night (pretty geeky, but pretty cool), got my hair done a dramatic dark brown and blond, and managed to find a job (and today is only Wednesday!!) I'm supposed to start my new job tomorrow, at Second Cup (I applied and 2 places yesterday and got an interview at one and was instantly hired at the other- thank you for the Alberta economy!) And on Saturday this week, my sister is getting married.... so this is just the start of the madness of the week. So pray for me and the decisions I make for this next year, my new job, and that it would just be a truly enjoyable year!!

2006-08-18T10:47:00.000-06:00

GOODBYE TO NORTH POINTE!!
As I sit here today, at my empty desk, with my packed up bags, and wiped computer, I have to look back and remember all the times here at North Pointe Community Church (not necessarily in this building but in this church.)

Here are a few of my favorite memories...

Sneaking out to play American Idol on the Playstation 2 with Barb in the youth room...
Eating chips and crying with Linds during a game of hide and go seek in the dark, in the old church.
Beach parties where the chapel floor was soaked.
Partaking in the development of phrases such as "You smell like Butt, Freaktard, FTL, and BM"
Giving Pastor Bob a Spiderman cake for his birthday, and making the top 10 reasons why Pastor Bob is like Spiderman with Kathy and Rachael
Watching certain Slovak leaders fall over in certain board room chairs
Getting slapped in the butt by a 5 year old, when I'm trying to explain a game (the slap wasn't so enjoyable, but a good story)
Making the memory verse spot
Singing in the Singing Christmas Tree with my sister
Sweating in Vegas with all the other sweaty sisters
Painting a sun in the youth room that Mike ruined and turned to flames
Linds and I painting our faces with the pudding that Pastor Bob gave us (still have the picture)
Dressing up as a cow
Pretending to be a hillbilly and wearing those disgusting teeth in my mouth every week
YC weekends, youth events, missions trips, Word on Wednesdays
Watching 5 babies alone on Wednesday nights
Learning that the best form of abstinence is watching 5 babies alone on Wednesday nights (I used to think I wanted lots of kids...those Wednesdays worked that out for me)

On a more serious note, I love this church, and I pray that God will truly bless them, in reaching the North West area of the city. I learned so much about the ups and downs of ministry, and really grew in my spiritual giftings and my leadership skills. I feel blessed to have been able to fall this my home church and my church family. I will truly miss it and I'll miss being able to work and grow in the Lord here. I know God will work through me elsewhere, and I'm excited for where God wants to take me, but I know this church will always be in my heart.

For all those at North Pointe...I love you and will miss you!!! Thanks for all the memories, and for encouraging my growth.

2006-08-08T10:54:00.000-06:00

I won't forget in my first year, in Gospels class, we questioned about dating, and marriage. We questioned if it was a bad idea to date those with a sketchy past. And people said, "No it's a bad idea, you don't know what they are going to carry to the marriage with them." I remember sitting there, and thinking, "Now what... Just because I have a past does that make me an inacceptable member of Christian society." There is always the talk about generational curses, which has always frightened me.

But I have reached a profound revelation about generational curses. It's major, it's freeing, it reassures me immensely.

I have decided that a generational curse is not beyond us. For years I have seen it as something I need to go to special classes, to get relieved of the "curse." Something I need cast out of me, as it exists within me. But now, I have decided that generational curses, are something within human nature, born out of the cycle of abuse.

I saw my dad the other day. Now my dad is rarely a part of my life. He's had a hard life. He was telling me stories of my aunt, who has left her husband and children and taken up with a man that has brought her totally down. And while I am hearing this, all I can think is "The things we do to our children."

My aunt and my dad had a hard life. There were drugs, alcohol, and a medley of other things. And now, they have repeated the same mistakes their parents made. See, we inflict pain on our children, and then they repeat the inflictions on their children. Children are impressionable. They see and do. So we teach our children how to inflict pain, how to do what's wrong, and these are natural learned behaviors in their lives.

But God can change and transform any behaviors that we have. We may have a human nature that is sinful and follows those cycles our parents taught us... but God can change us. God can give us a nature that is in him. An identity drawn from him. And I thank the Lord for that, and I pray that I can teach my children the right way, and end the cycle.

2006-08-01T15:23:00.000-06:00

I am determined to keep up with this blog (no matter if anyone sees it or not.)

This summer, in midst of my stress and busyness, I made a list of things I like. So that I would never lose track of who I am and what I would like to do. It's easy to get caught up in life, and the things that you have to do, and the things that you are supposed to like. But I've made it my mission to see what I would like to do. What suits me. What am I passionate about?

I like rainbows, and sunshine, and clear days. I like to sleep in the cool air with lots of blankets on. I like camping in a tent. I like sleeping in the sun. I like gerber daisies, I like the color yellow. I want to travel, love children, teach young women how to live for God, and give an example of being a Godly woman. I want to reach for the unreachable. I like cats. I love my cat. I like childrens books and movies. I like memorizing cutesy poems. I like running in the pouring rain. I like hot chocolate after running through the pouring rain. I like making crafts. I love hot glue guns. I like to swim for exercise. I like to dance, especially when no ones looking. I like to sing. I like cheesy angry girl music. I love surprises. I like organizing my stuff. I like polka dots. I like chunky necklaces. I like ice cream from the Marble Slab. I love the Yada Yada prayer group books, and I love Gilmore Girls. I like sleeping on long car trips..

There is so much more that I like...and that I'd like to do. I think I want to remind myself and do something I like, and enjoy it whenever it happens. We can lose track of what we like, and just become consumed in the things that we have to do. I want to know what I like. And when I'm feeling stressed or tired, or overwhelmed, I can turn back to the things that I like, and do them, to remind myself that the world's not all bad, and beyond the things that I do, I can find what really makes me happy. Not like my work doesn't make me happy. I just want to enjoy the simple pleasures in life that make me happy, like a child, in total awe of the world around me...

2006-07-28T09:15:00.000-06:00

Hot air balloons, rainbows and faith

I have never been one for journalling....but I have never been one for staying in touch.... so I had a tough decision on whether or not to blog....and perhaps fail, or to guarantee a failure by looking to other methods of contact and communication. So here's the blog.

This morning I saw a hot air balloon. I love hot air balloons. I actually love anything to do with the sky... I'm a little hokey. This is the second time this week that I have seen a hot air balloon. And as weird and superstitious as it is, whenever I see a hot air balloon, I think.... wow it's going to be a good day. I think it's funny the little rituals and superstitions that we have (yes...even Christians have them!) Like...hot air balloons, and rainbows mean good days.... the day can have so many downs, but if we convince ourselves that it will be a good day....then it will be a good day. Or as we saw in the Oilers play offs, hockey superstitions. I was convinced for a while, that the only times that the Oilers lost a game, was when I was paying attention. Ryan thought I was being ridiculous (which I full on admit, I was), but I had to emotionally distance myself from the game.

Superstitions.... what's with them? I have come to the conclusion that they are all about an attitude adjustment. Like thinking a bad Sunday means a bad week. Maybe if I have a bad day on Sunday, I set myself up for a bad week, and then every little thing that goes wrong throughout the week is just really an escalated feeling, because I believe that a bad Sunday means a bad week. Or hot air balloons and rainbows, mean a good day. Maybe that's just because I set myself out to have a good day. Hockey games, maybe when I watch them more intently, I simply just get more into the game, and the loss hurts more. When the Oilers lost and I wasn't paying any attention... I didn't feel anything, so the loss was less evident to me. So in other words... Attitude is everything.

When I was younger, whenever there was a school award ceremony, I used to mentally make myself feel like I was going to lose. I really thought that was the only way that I was going to win. Then if I won the award, it would truly be a surprise, and if I lost the award, then I could say I knew that was going to happen.

Sometimes in our Christian faith, I think we follow the superstitious attitudes, or think more negatively, which makes our faith fall short. If we say when we are sick that we are not going to be healed, just so if we are healed it's a surprise, and if we aren't healed, we knew it wouldn't happen anyway. That's when our faith falls short. Or if we think our prayers aren't going to be answered because we didn't do our ritual, didn't see the rainbow, then we are relying on our own strengths, our own understandings.

So is faith just an attitude, a way of thinking? If we ultimately shift our thinking, shift our attitudes, will we have faith? Does that make faith real, or faith just an attitude? Is faith beyond our normal thinking, beyond the power of our minds, is it something much deeper?

Hebrews 11:6 says "Without faith it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

This verse says so much. We need faith to please God. We need to believe that he exists, and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

And sometimes we can have all the faith, and so much desire for God to do something, and he doesn't.... I don't understand it all, but I don't think I'm supposed to. I can't understand God, or comprehend him, and I don't want to give answers that I have no real understanding of. I know God has a will for me, and I need to have faith and follow him....and that's it....I don't fully understand his will for me, or faith...

Rob Bell in Velvet Elvis, talks about asking questions. How we can't truly be studying the word if we don't leave a study of the passage without questions. I want to question God's word, and all these elements of the Christian doctrine.